Tuesday, June 09, 2009
of swans and catfish

Actually, one of the reasons why I haven't blogged in such a long time is because I didn't blog in a long time, therefore I forgot my password, so I couldn't blog when I wanted to. Confusing?
Haha. Changed the password, was a 10 min process. Haiyah. Should've done it earlier. Also because me and Julie had a chat about blogs and I found out that somebody/bodies have ranked my blog among the most unlikely to ever be updated.
Don't think it sounds like an honour hahaha. Anyway, will try to blog a little more often, since blogging never seems to go out of fashion and maybe June break is a good time to act like I've been reflecting a lot, since I don't have to study. Oops. Maybe that's the thing about blogging. You tend to type out your thoughts so freely and accidentally forget to censor them. taaaakk..

Tuesday, September 02, 2008
primeval

Been reflecting quite a bit about how we as human beings function these few days. I never used to be particularly aware that my actions and the things I say, especially the bad and hurtful stuff are usually a result of something deeper and more instinctive. I would only start thinking right after I did something foolish, asking myself why had I said something as rude as that. Somethimes I would try come up with a reason like "Oh, that person was annoying first", then I'd realise still its not a good enough reason to be hurtful just because someone hurt you first. We're not animals you know. The word the Bible uses to describe this nature of humans is "carnal", meaning that it's human nature to always have the tendency to base their actions on their own will and selfish intentions. Hmm, or more appropriately, it's the reason why we have selfish intentions in the first place.
I realised that as I go about my daily business, it takes effort to not focus on my own wants and needs, but to think about the needs of others as well. It takes effort to love the unlovely. It takes effort not to roll my eyes at the shrieking bimbo in the school corridor, or say something sarcastic about a lecturer who seems to not know his stuff. I don't think I can live a day without even the tiniest bad thought entering my mind. I suspect it should be the same case for everyone.
There must be something broken in all of us, something that we lost sometime along the way. I believe that perfection has to have existed once upon a time in order that we can look at the world we now live in and say that it is not perfect. Some standard that we subconciously compare with.
Don't we all wanna find a way to mend this brokeness? Don't we all need saving?

Monday, September 01, 2008
the human stain

Ever had one of those moments? When you decide to do something that is against all logic but you decide to do it anyway because you just wanna...rebel or prove something? First the impulse, then the resolve and there goes the action, and you are like "Why on EARTH did I do that??"
It's late, I was just not really awake, looking at pictures on facebook and that zit on my nose in the mirror with disdain, I got so annoyed I decided to.... cut my fringe. With little consideration.
I thought it would be a good idea somehow, as if cutting my fringe would cover the zit on my nose or make my hair just as straight as the one on facebook. It just didn't make sense. Anyway I felt kinda smug as I snipped off part of the fringe(in a rather strategic spot), even bothering to slant the angle of the sissors as though I was quite professional. And now I realised that I had actually done a really stupid thing. I had cut my fringe against my normal hair parting.
And now I have to live with my whole hair parting changed from left to right.

Indeed, we live the consequences of our actions.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Having been through a number of heartaches in my life, I reflected that there are very few things more tragic than unrequited love. It's so fundamentally human to face rejection some time or another in our lives. That pain, that longing...it stings, it suffocates. Shoulders burdened with sighs.

Imagine how Jesus felt when after having done the ultimate act of love for us, we chose to reject those nail pierced hands, the very hands that saved us.

My unrequited love is that insignificant afterall.

Thursday, August 14, 2008
update

OMG. I realised how long i have not updated my blog. Thanks Julie and co for bugging me to update..
Well, 3 months have passed since I last updated, so much of the unupdated stuff are probably outdated already haha. Exams were over from last sem, went on a mission trip to east asia, got back safely thank God and this week is the first week of school. Ok that's reallly very summarised.
Realise I wont be able to do this entry much justice cos its 2am and I got school tmr, so will be more detailed on the next one yea?
Love.

Friday, April 25, 2008
grandma

As I gave those cold finger tips a squeeze, they didn't even have the strength to squeeze back. Holding her wrinkly hand in mine, it felt so reminiscent of the times when she was healthier. Even though I was old enough to cross the road on my own, these very same fragile hands would always take mine and gently lead me to safety on the other side.

My grandmother has always been something. Surviving the Japanese Occupation at the tender age of 16, she came out nearly unscathed and untainted, even though life was tough and there had been so many close calls. Almost singlehandedly raised and cared for the well being of her 6 children, moving on to participate in the raising and caring of her 11 grandchildren. She stood faithfully by her husband's side to the point of his death and outlived him by 14 years.
She's always been the mediator, the peacemaker of the family. Motherly, tactful and ever so patient. Not to forget a great cook. A whole lot of good humour and compassion to top it off.
She's a woman caught in between the generations. On one hand she retains a lot of her "pantang-ness" and old superstitions, on the other she's a hip lil' ol' lady who is up to date in the happenings of our generation. No other 80 year old grandmother would enjoy watching WWE Raw and TNX Explosion almost every night. Or catch up with the latest gossip in zhao bao. Or watch Meteor Garden and all those Korean serial dramas or profess that the dudes from F4 are
quite dashing. Not many grandmas will enjoy fastfood once in a while like pizza or the kfc coselaw. Not many grandmas can jig to jazz and rock and roll and even allow herself to be kissed on the cheek by total strangers. What a darling.
She's really special huh?
As time slips away, so does the little life remaining...

My only comfort is that someday we will meet again in a place where pain and suffering doesn't exist. I wish you could have known God a little earlier, but at least there's eternity for that.

Thursday, April 24, 2008
think of me

I profess for some strange reason i recently got hooked onto American Idol(huh i'm supposed to be mugging!). Loved the version David Archuleta did for Phantom of the Operah's Think of Me.
Remembered watching the musical at Esplanade with WWF last year, I was so enthralled by the whole mysterious-ness, robustness and gentleness of the atmosphere, the dialogue, the singing and the scenes (the unforgettable dungeon scene and the one where the phantom vanished from his throne toward the end) The original itself is realllly such a sweet sweet song! sighs.


Think of me, think of me fondly,
when we've said goodbye.
Remember me, once in a while,
please promise me you'll try.
When you find that once again, you long to take your heart back and be free
if you ever find a moment,
spare a thought for me.
We never said our love was evergreen,
or as unchanging as the sea
but if you can still remember stop and think of me . . .

Think of all the things, we've shared and seen
don't think about the things which might have been . . .

Think of me, think of me waking,
silent and resigned.
Imagine me, trying too hard
to put you from my mind.
Recall those days look back on all those times, think of the things we'll never do
there will never be a day when I won't think of you . .

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them,
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I am awake, I am still with you.
Psalm 139:17-18

"My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore."