primeval

Been reflecting quite a bit about how we as human beings function these few days. I never used to be particularly aware that my actions and the things I say, especially the bad and hurtful stuff are usually a result of something deeper and more instinctive. I would only start thinking right after I did something foolish, asking myself why had I said something as rude as that. Somethimes I would try come up with a reason like "Oh, that person was annoying first", then I'd realise still its not a good enough reason to be hurtful just because someone hurt you first. We're not animals you know. The word the Bible uses to describe this nature of humans is "carnal", meaning that it's human nature to always have the tendency to base their actions on their own will and selfish intentions. Hmm, or more appropriately, it's the reason why we have selfish intentions in the first place.
I realised that as I go about my daily business, it takes effort to not focus on my own wants and needs, but to think about the needs of others as well. It takes effort to love the unlovely. It takes effort not to roll my eyes at the shrieking bimbo in the school corridor, or say something sarcastic about a lecturer who seems to not know his stuff. I don't think I can live a day without even the tiniest bad thought entering my mind. I suspect it should be the same case for everyone.
There must be something broken in all of us, something that we lost sometime along the way. I believe that perfection has to have existed once upon a time in order that we can look at the world we now live in and say that it is not perfect. Some standard that we subconciously compare with.
Don't we all wanna find a way to mend this brokeness? Don't we all need saving?

the human stain

Ever had one of those moments? When you decide to do something that is against all logic but you decide to do it anyway because you just wanna...rebel or prove something? First the impulse, then the resolve and there goes the action, and you are like "Why on EARTH did I do that??"
It's late, I was just not really awake, looking at pictures on facebook and that zit on my nose in the mirror with disdain, I got so annoyed I decided to.... cut my fringe. With little consideration.
I thought it would be a good idea somehow, as if cutting my fringe would cover the zit on my nose or make my hair just as straight as the one on facebook. It just didn't make sense. Anyway I felt kinda smug as I snipped off part of the fringe(in a rather strategic spot), even bothering to slant the angle of the sissors as though I was quite professional. And now I realised that I had actually done a really stupid thing. I had cut my fringe against my normal hair parting.
And now I have to live with my whole hair parting changed from left to right.

Indeed, we live the consequences of our actions.