think bored and restless people are the ones who blog most regularly. i just generally dont feel like doing anything at all, even though there's so much to be done.
gosh, i think i'm in great danger. of this and that.
i wish i werent so needy. feels kinda pathetic u know. maybe i should engage an imaginary. gah.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
100% carrot juice
i know very well that im supposed to be mugging. at the same time i seem to be having somewhat of a mini(argh no its giagantic) mr darcy craze. prob cos i just watched pride and prejudice on dvd again and been reading some bridget jones diary. dont get me wrong, i don't endorse premarital sex and promiscuity and the what not, but i did enjoy the book very much. its really funny. and it shows that at the end of it all, every girl wants a mr darcy to rescue them from some kind of beknowst trouble.
sigh...i want a mr darcy too.....
in this day and age you can't help being a little pessimistic about the postmodern chivalry, that it just can't match up with the good old fashioned jane austen books kind. where are all the knights in shining armour? the anonymity in doing something special for a lady? the little gentlemenly motions such as opening doors and offering to carry heavy things? in fact, i think in nus library i often end up holding doors out for men...ok i may be exaggerating a little. there are guys who are still alright.
i think i should stop myself before i start to sound even more feministic.
sigh...i want a mr darcy too.....
in this day and age you can't help being a little pessimistic about the postmodern chivalry, that it just can't match up with the good old fashioned jane austen books kind. where are all the knights in shining armour? the anonymity in doing something special for a lady? the little gentlemenly motions such as opening doors and offering to carry heavy things? in fact, i think in nus library i often end up holding doors out for men...ok i may be exaggerating a little. there are guys who are still alright.
i think i should stop myself before i start to sound even more feministic.
Monday, February 25, 2008
we don't have to save the world
Hmm..really wanna give thanks for today cos Andrew, Chris, Huiqi and I got to sit down for a really long time to talk and discuss about the girls and mentoring. to me it was a pretty fruitful discussion, and the issue of accountability was addressed. it's really interesting cos it was the 3rd time that day that God reminded me that i wasn't fighting the battle on my own. it's comforting to know that even if my hose has run dry, there will be other people there to continue to fight those forest fires.
i don't know if im getting accustomed to loneliness, but i suspect it isnt a very good thing. The Christian race isn't supposed to be run alone anyway. We run alongside one another, spurring one another on and point each other in the right direction. well well well...missionary in the making? they are lonely creatures.
maybe i haven't been doing enough. or why does doing and not reaping the results i want to see make me feel frustrated? well, precisely because i have been using my own perceived standards as a yardstick. and when that happens i keep having to create excuses for myself. stop the blame game. stop expecting people to meet up to your expectations. aiyah. i have to constantly remind myself that God is God, and i am not. Even God doesn't complain about us not meeting His standards. on a side note i think its quite funny to think of God complaining. think it will rain for 20 years. then we'd have to build a ship bigger than titanic to host every creature possible. i would leave out cockroaches and lizards. and maybe mosquitoes. ok its late and im not thinking straight.
the word "marriage" seems to be a recurring haunting word. for the first time in my life, i felt the first pangs of marital pressure. a youth asked me when was i going to get married. i think its one of those things you pick up after turning 21. i finally know how those older pple feel when pple tease them about marriage and stuff. i say retribution.
anyway on the subject of marriage, i was deeply amused by something pastor ky said. if God were to reveal His plan straight out to us, if we were to know who we are going to be married to in future right now, we'd all probably go "ewwwwww..." suspense suspense. actually like this more exciting la. but more tiring, having to guess and go through the whole process of rejection, courtship blah blah blah. And of course, having to wait. what does it mean to wait anyway?
And fate of course, is simple a secular term for the will of God, and coincidence for His grace.
i don't know if im getting accustomed to loneliness, but i suspect it isnt a very good thing. The Christian race isn't supposed to be run alone anyway. We run alongside one another, spurring one another on and point each other in the right direction. well well well...missionary in the making? they are lonely creatures.
maybe i haven't been doing enough. or why does doing and not reaping the results i want to see make me feel frustrated? well, precisely because i have been using my own perceived standards as a yardstick. and when that happens i keep having to create excuses for myself. stop the blame game. stop expecting people to meet up to your expectations. aiyah. i have to constantly remind myself that God is God, and i am not. Even God doesn't complain about us not meeting His standards. on a side note i think its quite funny to think of God complaining. think it will rain for 20 years. then we'd have to build a ship bigger than titanic to host every creature possible. i would leave out cockroaches and lizards. and maybe mosquitoes. ok its late and im not thinking straight.
the word "marriage" seems to be a recurring haunting word. for the first time in my life, i felt the first pangs of marital pressure. a youth asked me when was i going to get married. i think its one of those things you pick up after turning 21. i finally know how those older pple feel when pple tease them about marriage and stuff. i say retribution.
anyway on the subject of marriage, i was deeply amused by something pastor ky said. if God were to reveal His plan straight out to us, if we were to know who we are going to be married to in future right now, we'd all probably go "ewwwwww..." suspense suspense. actually like this more exciting la. but more tiring, having to guess and go through the whole process of rejection, courtship blah blah blah. And of course, having to wait. what does it mean to wait anyway?
And fate of course, is simple a secular term for the will of God, and coincidence for His grace.
Monday, February 18, 2008
i wonder why i wonder
didn't really do much this weekend. i think it was a bit funny to be cutting cake(the same strawberry shortcake flavour again, with the same cream. got phobia already) but this time it was at my house with all my relatives. i just couldn't get into the it's my birthday mood, cos last week celebrate already and all the hype has died down. saw it more like as a time for the family to gather around. in fact i think it was the first time my mum's side and my dad's side came together in a long long while. hmm..seeing that usually both sides don't get along too well, i think the gathering went pretty well. quite a lot of networking and matchmaking going about haha. my cousins actually bought me a mahjong set for my birthday, which i found hilarious. actually its quite nice la, it looks like those agar agar cos its transparent and pink. think they really want to encourage me to play more, to improve my non existent calculating skills. i think im still better at taitee.
had my last prayer meeting cum steam boat at tang's house on sunday night. i was rather tired and sleepy during the prayer cos it had been a long day for me. when tkoh asked us to be still before God and remember the different events in which God has revealed His goodness to us in Thailand, images of those times came running through my head again. and i was so overwhelmed by His love and faithfulness.
from the time our team first met last year april(tl and his bitter gourd), the disseminating of our roles in the team, the uncertainty due to the bombings in the south, the anxiety of raising support to go for the trip---to the actual trip in thailand where there were spiritual and emotional attacks, injuries and food poisoning, the miraculous provision of audio equipment, the blackout during our party, the 13 souls saved and seeing God's hand in the whole process---to bringing us back safely to Singapore with the lessons learnt and the lives that have been transformed.
our team has brought much joy and laughter to my life and i've truly learnt a lot from these people and through the way they live their lives.
Looking back has got me in awe all over again. i really want to remember all these times whenever i'm in doubt, whenever i feel the lack of hope, because they remind me of God's promises, that He will never let the righteous fall.
Looking forward has got me at peace and less fearful about what the future holds. For I know that no matter what He will be holding my hand to walk along side me, during the bad times and the good.
the steam boat/bbq was pretty good. i ate so so much cos i was flitting from one table to the other. but now i got a bad sorethroat from too much bbq. ugh.
do you...or do you really not?
had my last prayer meeting cum steam boat at tang's house on sunday night. i was rather tired and sleepy during the prayer cos it had been a long day for me. when tkoh asked us to be still before God and remember the different events in which God has revealed His goodness to us in Thailand, images of those times came running through my head again. and i was so overwhelmed by His love and faithfulness.
from the time our team first met last year april(tl and his bitter gourd), the disseminating of our roles in the team, the uncertainty due to the bombings in the south, the anxiety of raising support to go for the trip---to the actual trip in thailand where there were spiritual and emotional attacks, injuries and food poisoning, the miraculous provision of audio equipment, the blackout during our party, the 13 souls saved and seeing God's hand in the whole process---to bringing us back safely to Singapore with the lessons learnt and the lives that have been transformed.
our team has brought much joy and laughter to my life and i've truly learnt a lot from these people and through the way they live their lives.
Looking back has got me in awe all over again. i really want to remember all these times whenever i'm in doubt, whenever i feel the lack of hope, because they remind me of God's promises, that He will never let the righteous fall.
Looking forward has got me at peace and less fearful about what the future holds. For I know that no matter what He will be holding my hand to walk along side me, during the bad times and the good.
the steam boat/bbq was pretty good. i ate so so much cos i was flitting from one table to the other. but now i got a bad sorethroat from too much bbq. ugh.
do you...or do you really not?
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
21
I'm thankful. And I'm grateful. I'm 21. I've survived 21 years of my life.
Phew. Thinking of all the close calls.
At least 3 times of near fatal drowning. Countless times of near road accidents( I wasn't the one driving many of the times ahem). 2 times on the plane with an ominous feeling. 3 major national exams, and having to deal with near heart attacks when getting the results. a few times dreaming that i died and waking up wondering if i would be able to survive the day. one very very big hospital scare. 2 times dengue fever. 2 fractured arms. many sprained fingers(due to that stupid sport basketball).
Thinking of all the blessings.
many broken hearts. definitely more than 2 litres of tears. countless of secret smiles. precious times of prayer. 1 lovely family. i lovely family in Christ. 40 friends who would show up to share my joy when the next day was a school/work day. 1 Beautiful Saviour, Abba Father, Great Almighty, Wonderful Counsellor, Emmanuel, Loving, Living God.
Amazing, truly amazing.
How can I keep from singing Your praise
Phew. Thinking of all the close calls.
At least 3 times of near fatal drowning. Countless times of near road accidents( I wasn't the one driving many of the times ahem). 2 times on the plane with an ominous feeling. 3 major national exams, and having to deal with near heart attacks when getting the results. a few times dreaming that i died and waking up wondering if i would be able to survive the day. one very very big hospital scare. 2 times dengue fever. 2 fractured arms. many sprained fingers(due to that stupid sport basketball).
Thinking of all the blessings.
many broken hearts. definitely more than 2 litres of tears. countless of secret smiles. precious times of prayer. 1 lovely family. i lovely family in Christ. 40 friends who would show up to share my joy when the next day was a school/work day. 1 Beautiful Saviour, Abba Father, Great Almighty, Wonderful Counsellor, Emmanuel, Loving, Living God.
Amazing, truly amazing.
How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I
know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing
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