i wonder why i wonder

didn't really do much this weekend. i think it was a bit funny to be cutting cake(the same strawberry shortcake flavour again, with the same cream. got phobia already) but this time it was at my house with all my relatives. i just couldn't get into the it's my birthday mood, cos last week celebrate already and all the hype has died down. saw it more like as a time for the family to gather around. in fact i think it was the first time my mum's side and my dad's side came together in a long long while. hmm..seeing that usually both sides don't get along too well, i think the gathering went pretty well. quite a lot of networking and matchmaking going about haha. my cousins actually bought me a mahjong set for my birthday, which i found hilarious. actually its quite nice la, it looks like those agar agar cos its transparent and pink. think they really want to encourage me to play more, to improve my non existent calculating skills. i think im still better at taitee.
had my last prayer meeting cum steam boat at tang's house on sunday night. i was rather tired and sleepy during the prayer cos it had been a long day for me. when tkoh asked us to be still before God and remember the different events in which God has revealed His goodness to us in Thailand, images of those times came running through my head again. and i was so overwhelmed by His love and faithfulness.
from the time our team first met last year april(tl and his bitter gourd), the disseminating of our roles in the team, the uncertainty due to the bombings in the south, the anxiety of raising support to go for the trip---to the actual trip in thailand where there were spiritual and emotional attacks, injuries and food poisoning, the miraculous provision of audio equipment, the blackout during our party, the 13 souls saved and seeing God's hand in the whole process---to bringing us back safely to Singapore with the lessons learnt and the lives that have been transformed.
our team has brought much joy and laughter to my life and i've truly learnt a lot from these people and through the way they live their lives.
Looking back has got me in awe all over again. i really want to remember all these times whenever i'm in doubt, whenever i feel the lack of hope, because they remind me of God's promises, that He will never let the righteous fall.
Looking forward has got me at peace and less fearful about what the future holds. For I know that no matter what He will be holding my hand to walk along side me, during the bad times and the good.
the steam boat/bbq was pretty good. i ate so so much cos i was flitting from one table to the other. but now i got a bad sorethroat from too much bbq. ugh.

do you...or do you really not?