grandma

As I gave those cold finger tips a squeeze, they didn't even have the strength to squeeze back. Holding her wrinkly hand in mine, it felt so reminiscent of the times when she was healthier. Even though I was old enough to cross the road on my own, these very same fragile hands would always take mine and gently lead me to safety on the other side.

My grandmother has always been something. Surviving the Japanese Occupation at the tender age of 16, she came out nearly unscathed and untainted, even though life was tough and there had been so many close calls. Almost singlehandedly raised and cared for the well being of her 6 children, moving on to participate in the raising and caring of her 11 grandchildren. She stood faithfully by her husband's side to the point of his death and outlived him by 14 years.
She's always been the mediator, the peacemaker of the family. Motherly, tactful and ever so patient. Not to forget a great cook. A whole lot of good humour and compassion to top it off.
She's a woman caught in between the generations. On one hand she retains a lot of her "pantang-ness" and old superstitions, on the other she's a hip lil' ol' lady who is up to date in the happenings of our generation. No other 80 year old grandmother would enjoy watching WWE Raw and TNX Explosion almost every night. Or catch up with the latest gossip in zhao bao. Or watch Meteor Garden and all those Korean serial dramas or profess that the dudes from F4 are
quite dashing. Not many grandmas will enjoy fastfood once in a while like pizza or the kfc coselaw. Not many grandmas can jig to jazz and rock and roll and even allow herself to be kissed on the cheek by total strangers. What a darling.
She's really special huh?
As time slips away, so does the little life remaining...

My only comfort is that someday we will meet again in a place where pain and suffering doesn't exist. I wish you could have known God a little earlier, but at least there's eternity for that.

think of me

I profess for some strange reason i recently got hooked onto American Idol(huh i'm supposed to be mugging!). Loved the version David Archuleta did for Phantom of the Operah's Think of Me.
Remembered watching the musical at Esplanade with WWF last year, I was so enthralled by the whole mysterious-ness, robustness and gentleness of the atmosphere, the dialogue, the singing and the scenes (the unforgettable dungeon scene and the one where the phantom vanished from his throne toward the end) The original itself is realllly such a sweet sweet song! sighs.


Think of me, think of me fondly,
when we've said goodbye.
Remember me, once in a while,
please promise me you'll try.
When you find that once again, you long to take your heart back and be free
if you ever find a moment,
spare a thought for me.
We never said our love was evergreen,
or as unchanging as the sea
but if you can still remember stop and think of me . . .

Think of all the things, we've shared and seen
don't think about the things which might have been . . .

Think of me, think of me waking,
silent and resigned.
Imagine me, trying too hard
to put you from my mind.
Recall those days look back on all those times, think of the things we'll never do
there will never be a day when I won't think of you . .

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them,
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I am awake, I am still with you.
Psalm 139:17-18

"My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore."

in Your freedom

In times of confusion and doubt, God is always faithful.
In times of feeling the lack of self worth, I need to be reminded that my self worth does not come from within me, but it comes from an external source. It comes from God.
Jesus Christ came to die for my sins so that I am made acceptable in the eyes of God.
If God's standard is the ultimate standard, who am I to moan about not being able to reach the standards of Man?
With such a reminder, there is a certain victory that emerges from the depths of the longing, desolate soul. A sense of revival and reverie. Triumph and rejoice. The enemy will be crushed beneathe His heel and his lies will dwell no more.
For I am the daughter of the king, I am miss universe.

Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of His great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. Isaiah 40:26

love

Right now, I feel like the epitomy of the word "trial". Somehow, I feel unready for all these things happening right now.
Although things seem a little better, what with Sunday's discussion, the fact remains that the two are still fuming mad.
Adults, can be really childish at times. A slip of the tongue, the refusal to see the others' point of view. No wonder there are so many quarrels in this world. What about rationality? What about processing before the output? These things never seem to matter when tension is high and emotions run dry.
The matter isn't just that simple. It's on the brink of becoming a holy war, between those who are and those who aren't.
I still feel pain in their misunderstanding and lack of understanding. Its not so much because of them mistaking our pure intentions for malice, but the fact that they are seeing but not understanding, hearing but not listening. And the fear that they may carry this anger toward the people of the kingdom until the coming. Will they ever be saved? Will she ever be saved?

In desparation, i searched the Holy book once more and it seemed to land on a familiar passage:

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

and also in verse 12 and 13

Now we see things as imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All I know is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me completely. Three things will last forever-faith, hope and love-and the greatest of these is love.

(New Living Translation)

Few lessons.
1. There are some things that I know are real and I know the truth. In love, I do not withhold the truth yet there are times in order to love more, I have to restrain from doing what I want, no matter how painful it is. That is love.

2. Love should be the basis for everything I do, be it restraint, be it sacrifice. Be it forgiveness. All done in honesty and truth. For that is where life is. Put your indignance aside, humble yourself. For that is what I'm called to do and so that they will know the one true God. That is love.

3. Love endures through every circumstance. Although it seems bleak, but never give up on them, never give up. That is love.

When it first happened, I asked God why. But I now know that He has a plan. And that plan is slowly unfolding right in front of my eyes. Indeed, my human perspective is so constrained that I can't see the whole picture, but only bits and pieces. The trick is trusting in the perfect plans of the Maker of heaven and earth.
The reason why there are trials, I think I've known it all along. In suffering, one bears fruit as he endures through it all, being moulded into Christlikeness. In suffering, we see the faithfulness of our Saviour, who pulls us out at the right time. In suffering, we see the glory of God, who works out the good for all those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose.

That is Love.

heart

I've been trying not to let myself go into emo mood. I'm not even the emo sort to begin with. But when the going gets tough...
I just can't believe her. Why do you keep harping on about what i already know? Of all things are death clothes the only thing on your mind right now? Many bad thoughts. That are unspeakable. Indeed, the heart is a deceitful thing.


The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? Jeremiah 17:9


The human heart is the condition of all sin. Then it tries to deceive itself into trivialising the sin. It does what it pleases, it has no desire to turn to the Hands that created it. It tries to cover up its corrupt nature and lustful desires with excuses that are ultimately self-focused. In the end, it causes itself pain.


A friend remarked the day before. "Wish I could go to heaven right now." No more troubles, no more doubts. So true.


Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise. Jeremiah 17:14


turn my focus to the one who saves

dalmation

think bored and restless people are the ones who blog most regularly. i just generally dont feel like doing anything at all, even though there's so much to be done.
gosh, i think i'm in great danger. of this and that.
i wish i werent so needy. feels kinda pathetic u know. maybe i should engage an imaginary. gah.

100% carrot juice

i know very well that im supposed to be mugging. at the same time i seem to be having somewhat of a mini(argh no its giagantic) mr darcy craze. prob cos i just watched pride and prejudice on dvd again and been reading some bridget jones diary. dont get me wrong, i don't endorse premarital sex and promiscuity and the what not, but i did enjoy the book very much. its really funny. and it shows that at the end of it all, every girl wants a mr darcy to rescue them from some kind of beknowst trouble.
sigh...i want a mr darcy too.....
in this day and age you can't help being a little pessimistic about the postmodern chivalry, that it just can't match up with the good old fashioned jane austen books kind. where are all the knights in shining armour? the anonymity in doing something special for a lady? the little gentlemenly motions such as opening doors and offering to carry heavy things? in fact, i think in nus library i often end up holding doors out for men...ok i may be exaggerating a little. there are guys who are still alright.
i think i should stop myself before i start to sound even more feministic.

we don't have to save the world

Hmm..really wanna give thanks for today cos Andrew, Chris, Huiqi and I got to sit down for a really long time to talk and discuss about the girls and mentoring. to me it was a pretty fruitful discussion, and the issue of accountability was addressed. it's really interesting cos it was the 3rd time that day that God reminded me that i wasn't fighting the battle on my own. it's comforting to know that even if my hose has run dry, there will be other people there to continue to fight those forest fires.
i don't know if im getting accustomed to loneliness, but i suspect it isnt a very good thing. The Christian race isn't supposed to be run alone anyway. We run alongside one another, spurring one another on and point each other in the right direction. well well well...missionary in the making? they are lonely creatures.
maybe i haven't been doing enough. or why does doing and not reaping the results i want to see make me feel frustrated? well, precisely because i have been using my own perceived standards as a yardstick. and when that happens i keep having to create excuses for myself. stop the blame game. stop expecting people to meet up to your expectations. aiyah. i have to constantly remind myself that God is God, and i am not. Even God doesn't complain about us not meeting His standards. on a side note i think its quite funny to think of God complaining. think it will rain for 20 years. then we'd have to build a ship bigger than titanic to host every creature possible. i would leave out cockroaches and lizards. and maybe mosquitoes. ok its late and im not thinking straight.
the word "marriage" seems to be a recurring haunting word. for the first time in my life, i felt the first pangs of marital pressure. a youth asked me when was i going to get married. i think its one of those things you pick up after turning 21. i finally know how those older pple feel when pple tease them about marriage and stuff. i say retribution.
anyway on the subject of marriage, i was deeply amused by something pastor ky said. if God were to reveal His plan straight out to us, if we were to know who we are going to be married to in future right now, we'd all probably go "ewwwwww..." suspense suspense. actually like this more exciting la. but more tiring, having to guess and go through the whole process of rejection, courtship blah blah blah. And of course, having to wait. what does it mean to wait anyway?





And fate of course, is simple a secular term for the will of God, and coincidence for His grace.

i wonder why i wonder

didn't really do much this weekend. i think it was a bit funny to be cutting cake(the same strawberry shortcake flavour again, with the same cream. got phobia already) but this time it was at my house with all my relatives. i just couldn't get into the it's my birthday mood, cos last week celebrate already and all the hype has died down. saw it more like as a time for the family to gather around. in fact i think it was the first time my mum's side and my dad's side came together in a long long while. hmm..seeing that usually both sides don't get along too well, i think the gathering went pretty well. quite a lot of networking and matchmaking going about haha. my cousins actually bought me a mahjong set for my birthday, which i found hilarious. actually its quite nice la, it looks like those agar agar cos its transparent and pink. think they really want to encourage me to play more, to improve my non existent calculating skills. i think im still better at taitee.
had my last prayer meeting cum steam boat at tang's house on sunday night. i was rather tired and sleepy during the prayer cos it had been a long day for me. when tkoh asked us to be still before God and remember the different events in which God has revealed His goodness to us in Thailand, images of those times came running through my head again. and i was so overwhelmed by His love and faithfulness.
from the time our team first met last year april(tl and his bitter gourd), the disseminating of our roles in the team, the uncertainty due to the bombings in the south, the anxiety of raising support to go for the trip---to the actual trip in thailand where there were spiritual and emotional attacks, injuries and food poisoning, the miraculous provision of audio equipment, the blackout during our party, the 13 souls saved and seeing God's hand in the whole process---to bringing us back safely to Singapore with the lessons learnt and the lives that have been transformed.
our team has brought much joy and laughter to my life and i've truly learnt a lot from these people and through the way they live their lives.
Looking back has got me in awe all over again. i really want to remember all these times whenever i'm in doubt, whenever i feel the lack of hope, because they remind me of God's promises, that He will never let the righteous fall.
Looking forward has got me at peace and less fearful about what the future holds. For I know that no matter what He will be holding my hand to walk along side me, during the bad times and the good.
the steam boat/bbq was pretty good. i ate so so much cos i was flitting from one table to the other. but now i got a bad sorethroat from too much bbq. ugh.

do you...or do you really not?

21

I'm thankful. And I'm grateful. I'm 21. I've survived 21 years of my life.
Phew. Thinking of all the close calls.
At least 3 times of near fatal drowning. Countless times of near road accidents( I wasn't the one driving many of the times ahem). 2 times on the plane with an ominous feeling. 3 major national exams, and having to deal with near heart attacks when getting the results. a few times dreaming that i died and waking up wondering if i would be able to survive the day. one very very big hospital scare. 2 times dengue fever. 2 fractured arms. many sprained fingers(due to that stupid sport basketball).
Thinking of all the blessings.
many broken hearts. definitely more than 2 litres of tears. countless of secret smiles. precious times of prayer. 1 lovely family. i lovely family in Christ. 40 friends who would show up to share my joy when the next day was a school/work day. 1 Beautiful Saviour, Abba Father, Great Almighty, Wonderful Counsellor, Emmanuel, Loving, Living God.


Amazing, truly amazing.

How can I keep from singing Your praise

How can I ever say enough

How amazing is Your love

How can I keep from shouting Your name

I

know I am loved by the King

And it makes my heart want to sing

Perhaps

Perhaps, afterall, romance did not come into one's life with pomp and blare, like a gay knight riding down. Perhaps it crept to one's side like an old friend through quiet ways. Perhaps it revealed itself in seeming prose, until some sudden shaft of illumination flung athwart its pages betrayed by the rhythm and the music. Perhaps...perhaps...love unfolded naturally out of a beautiful friendship, as a golden-hearted rose slipping from its green sheath.

L M Montgomery

Perhaps...we should just let God be God, the true Author of Romance.

im not ready with my resolutions

ok, 1st blog of the year! as the title suggests, i'm not done with my resolutions yet(they are also rather private la) but one of them is definitely to blog more often. however i'm the sort of person who needs inspiration to write, or i will be quite lazy. they call it writer's block, to blog. heh. coming from meta camp2007, realised that blogging and the internet can be very influential. the average person spends at least 2 hours online everyday. ok i made up the statistics=p this is the internet age man, no mistake about that.
this means that by using the internet, we can win more people to Christ. i was stunned to know that the two most frequently searched topics on the net are God and sex. man, i have always thought it was harry potter. i don't seek to preach through blogging, but i hope that people will be able to see how God is reflected in my life. For God is undeniably a big big part of my life and i want people to get to know this wonderful creator. plunder hell, populate heaven=)
anyway, this holidays have been rather reflective for me. with meta camp and all, there's been much giving me things to think about. about how i'm living my life now, certain lifestyles which need changing and about what i will do in the future. realised that i have been putting a lot on hold for quite a long time. in other words, procrastination is my middle name. i also realised that there are quite a number of issues deep within that need God's healing hand. things that i've never taken notice of. time to start opening the dam.
as i reflect, i also realised that God has been very good throughout the year. even though i can't say that it has been a very good, peaceful year without troubles and trials, but i think that the important thing is that God has seen me through and helped me grow a lot through these things.
to put it simplistically, this has been a year of learning and growth for me. learning to love, learning more about myself, learning more about my identity in Christ alone, learning to see things from Christ's perspective and last but not least, learning to let go and let God. my mission trip to Thailand has been a big part of this change and moulding. and i guess through the daily struggles i am growing as well, though not realising it.
there definitely have been some regrets. there have been many times i have fallen and turned my back on Him. but that loving grace and forgiveness..you can never find another who is more ready to forgive and nourish a sinner with love and completeness than this God. another regret is neglecting of many people that i love. i still have not mastered managing my time very well and through busyness, i often neglect important things. its a bad excuse, i know, trying to assert i'm not a multitasking sort of girl. but i hope you can give me the chance to make it up to you. forgive me, dear friends. =)
hmm despite the amount of time i have to reflect, sadly it doesnt seem enough still. time is always a luxury that cannot be extended or increased. but i know that this coming year will be one which i will continue to struggle, yet one in which i will continue to grow in. no matter what, i'm very sure it will also be one full of surprises. for i have a God who is really incomprehendable and also very humourous.
blessed new year u faithful and patient(i still can't believe anyone would venture to a stagnant blog in hope of catching its old owner trying to secretly blog again. none but YOU man) readers!
you have been rewarded. hiak hiak.

talk about sophistication

Top question of the day: Did you cut your hair?
Top answer of the day: No, the barber cut it for me.

Top scene of the day: A girl with 5 handbags on one arm each at the nus forum warehouse sale(talk about ks-ness)

Top news of the day: the owner of a certain ubiquitous family diner has a mistress in every outlet he owns. Explains the low morale of the grumpy serving ladies. (sounds rather far fetched but hmm..intriguing. a bit less shocking than the fact the envoy Cheng Ho was a well known Muslim. Yes, that Cheng Ho from your primary school Chinese textbooks)

Top idea of the day: "klutzu dawn"

Top panic: its 2am and i got an 8am lecture. toodles!!!

i love the rain most

rain. love the sound of it pattering on the rooftops. like the feeling of it when im inside, protected and warm from the cold outside. i feel sheltered.
rain. makes me feel brave when i step on the outside. throwing caution to the wind. overturned umbrellas. fallen trees. i feel like a warrior.
rain. soaks my skin and my shoes. fills me to the brim with knowledge from above. hey, it was not just the clouds that burst. rain promotes bursts of growth. i feel that i can stand taller.
rain. it washes away stains. it blurs my vision from previous scars. dilutes my focus from my inadequacies. i feel renewed.
i love the rain most.

In light of the recent South Korean kidnappings, followed by the execution of 2 of them, it made me realise something.
Persecution exists even till today. It pains me to see fellow brothers and sisters in Christ suffering at the hands of the enemy. It has always been war, before and even now. So subtle, yet so true. Persecution, diguised and shrouded in the name of political agendas.
I wonder if I could ever be as brave as them in the same situation, in a foreign land, about to be matyred or will I be consumed by fear. But then, we are already on the victory's side. Its a matter of which path we will choose at the end of the day, the narrow and winding path, or the broad and easy way. Persevering in our faith, we will reach the light at the end of the tunnel one day.
Brothers, your family prays, grieves and rejoices for you.

Click here to petition for their release!
http://www.avaaz.org/en/honour_the_afghan_code/tf.php/?CLICKTRACK

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverence. Perseverence must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2,3

Off to the land of a thousand smiles

Somehow, think this holiday seems more hectic than term time. Been running off to team meetings every few days, meeting up with a few friends, etc...
Supposed to be leaving for South Thailand on the 9th...But due to the bombings in Hattyai, everything seems so uncertain now.
http://www.gulf-times.com/site/topics/article.asp?cu_no=2&item_no=151882&version=1&template_id=45&parent_id=25
So many changes, so many obstacles.
Don't like this feeling. It feels as if walking on a tight rope. Nothing to cling on to, the ground is 50 feet away. Its easy to get disoriented in this place. Up or down? Down or up? Lose your footing and there isn't even time to panic.
I wish I could be still. Be still and know who is in control of it all. But my heart, my heart. Sometimes I feel that I'm not right.

Your the only one I can ever hold on to.

Be still and know I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

How happy is the blameless vessle's lot!

The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!

Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.

-Eloisa to Abelard, Alexander Pope

im alive

I know, this blog seems dead. BUT, I'M ALIVE!!! WAHAHAH...ok whatever...

The reason why I havent been blogging, is cos i'm lazy to pen down my thoughts. Hmm, or more like, I don't seem to have anything in my thoughts now except for the exams. HA, and why am I blogging in the midst of everything?? Update on the exams. Finished 3 papers so far. 2 more to go whoot! And don't laugh at me cos my next 2 papers are on the 3rd and 4th, which are like the LAST days of all NUS exams. BAH. I think i didn't do too well for the first 2. My PS inquiry...although I studied the most for it, I absorbed the least. Dunno why. my brain just conveniently forgot. argh. Spore govt and politics...disasterous. I couldnt finish the paper=(. I couldn't find the clock in the exam hall so I was happily doing the first essay, thinking that i still had a lot of time left till i saw this tiny digital clock at the other end of the hall. 1 more hr to go and at least 8 pages to write. how?? gah. Today was jap lang. The listening comprehension was totally incomprehensible and inaudible cos of the echoes and i was sitting near the back. Plus the woman in the cd spoke so fast and..aiyah in short catch no ball. They shld just scrap the whole part la cos like everyone was complaining about it. The rest of the paper seemed ok. Hopefully. Still got foreign dip and genes and society to go. MCQs. Which means must study more. Neh.

Maybe my brain has totally degenerated since O Levels. I find it so hard to study for exams nowadays. The holidays after O Levels seemed to have lasted forever. If a surgeon were to open up my brain and search through the metal cabinet files in my mind( Its a very PS2102 concept, called conceptionalisation), they'd probably find loads of fluff, and more fluff. And maybe a piece on Donut Factory donuts, which I crave every once in a while although I've never had the opportunity to taste a single one. I mean, hey look at the 3-5 hr queue brother. But whats makes it so tantilising is the irrevocable fact that people actually get up and queue at 7am in the morning just to get the donuts. TELL ME, WHAT IS SO FACINATING ABOUT THE DONUTS!!! I may consider adding "queueing for donuts" on my holiday agenda list(yes, i already have a list. a very long one.) That's how determined I am, though the sane part of my braisn says its an insane thing to do. Well, at least its a little more saner than impulsively, in a complete act of desparation, declaring that i'm gonna marry the next guy who buys me the donuts. Whoosh.

Ok, aside from donuts, and silly you-tube videos and games that I've suddenly stumbled upon(don't you think how funny is it that all the good stuff online reveals their existence when you least want it to, especially near exam time?) , there's the phantom from the phantom of the opera. Haha...Went to watch it on the 11th of April with the WWF gang minus Janice and Jamie. WHoooo...It was really good! Although I still can't figure out how the phantom disappeared from the chair at the end..Man, the phantom exudes this very hypnotic charm and confidence that makes you want him as a muse too, regardless of badly scarred face and pervertic nature and all. Mystery men eh hehe. Just look at how many girls have him on their msn display pics.

Ah, and in a drawer in itself you'll probably find... drumroll....KimRaeWon!! HOHOHO. There is NO korean guy on earth hotter than KRW..Forget Bae Yong Jun( that was my mum's fav, thought I think she doen't like him anymore), Song Seung Heon. Trust me. Sigh. I feel like a teenager all over again. There I go oldifying myself again. In case your wondering, he's the seal trainer in My Love Patzzi, the guy in Love Story at Harvard and the guy in What star are you from?.

Gorgeous uh? Anyway, I realised im quite a K-drama junkie. I think i've watched like so many k-dramas, i can't even remember the names of those i've watched. Man, they're addictive. And very good conversation fillers haha. Currently, I'm watching Foxy Lady and Smile again on channel 55 weekends. So don't bother trying to call me on weekend nights 10.30-12.30. Haha...It's also a bonding session for me my mum and yes, my 82 yr old grandmother. Hmm, been also watching a little of 18vs29 on crunchy roll, this fabulous site u can watch whole korean dramas on. bliss. haha. been re-watching I love Patzzi on youtube sometimes. man i sound like such a slacker. I got study k, these k-dramas are meant for break times and de-stressing.

Some pics from what star are you from. They make a very good couple uh? Shld intro the girl to Ah teck, whom other than mushrooms seems to have a hidden fetish about koren girls like the one from My Sassy Girl whaha.

I think I've been having fetishes lately. Like sunflower fetishes and starfishes. Squeals!

Oh man look at the SEA of sunflowers!!!

Don't they just make your day=)

End with a verse that's been carrying me through the exams.

Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is Rock eternal. Isaiah40:29-31

The Stand

You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours
Show me Your heart
Show me Your way
Show me Your glory



Not much time to blog these days. But just wanna share my love to all you people out there who feel that the world has turned upside down, that there is no hope, that life just plain sucks cos of projects, assignments and tests that you don't even know why you exist anymore.

I've felt that way too, but I've found peace. Because He loves me. Because He is there. Because He walks with me.

God is Love.

Are you seeking love today?

heart is heavy

One week, four midterm papers. One day, three midterm papers. Have you ever heard of such a phenomenon? Have you ever seen such audacity? Have you known anyone to be so suay?
Nearly died studying for them. Just finished my last paper today: Genes and society
Rather tricky mcq questions. All the questions were so similar and all squeezed into the pages, they looked so wordy and gave me a headache. And the option E. "None of the above is correct." "All of the above are correct." DOn't you just hate questions like that? And almost all the questions had that option.
Sigh but thank God its over.
And now i gotta turn my worries to the ps review due on tuesday. An essay on fri. Week after next, 2 class presentations. I know i dont have the right to complain because many students are suffering from the workload as well. Yup, kempate Dawn! And all you fellow muggers out there..
I don't feel good. I don't know why, maybe cos of things bogging me down lately. Some are small, some are affective. Not just school work..Just struggling with some issues. Kinda tired. Wish we had an extra term break instead of wasting our chinese new year one. Like why cant they give us a break(literally) and not put exams behind the recess week.
Sometimes you really wish that you could just erase the pain. But we tend to block them out, stow them in an abandoned nook of our minds. Its just like a hideous piece of unwanted cheese. You stuff it into the furthest corner of your closet, hoping that u can just forget about it. But the feeling of it still lingers and you pile stuff over it, not wanting to see it by chance even. And then comes the smell...At the back of the mind, you know its there and you are reminded so every single day. The stench accumulates into one which suffocates, which torments...That's when you go crazy. You dig into the closet hoping to do something about it and..you find that its stuck permenantly to the bottom of the closet.

do you see me? do you even know i'm there...
hate me, love me, but spare me your indifference.

as i walked in the storm that day, i couldn't tell if it was tears or rain.